Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
