after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
