i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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