piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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