the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
nutella sex= disaster
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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