I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
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