just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
