Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
