I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
