I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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