I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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