My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize