2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
