lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
