I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
