Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
