the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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