We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
