I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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