we have pet lesbian snakes
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
