I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he shaved USA in his pubs
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
