its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i was born a porn star she said
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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