WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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