Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
