fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
