I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
