officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There's always time for handjobs
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
