I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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