I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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