a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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