In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
