Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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