he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Someone shattered a urinal.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
