oh god the rape fog is back!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
