I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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