I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
