Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
