I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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