I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
