just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
