If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
