that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
