Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
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Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
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Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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