just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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