Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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