so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
