They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
