I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
