She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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