I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
