Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The uberlube is also flammable
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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