Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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