I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
