hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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