they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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