We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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