Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
