i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize