you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize