There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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