"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
