First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
