I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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