In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
