We named our party play list daddy issues
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
