Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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