I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
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You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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