I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
