32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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