Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
