i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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