im drinking this country out of the recession.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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