Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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