I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
