just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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