my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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