Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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