I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This is the high leading the old right now
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
