just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
