its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
