I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
