There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
