you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
