I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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