I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
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Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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